Thursday, May 27, 2010


These past few weeks has been so tiring for me, emotionally and physically. Not because of this new residents in my body, but because I cannot find a damn good job offer!!! Yes there have been 3 job offers already but I declined them all because I need to consider my health now. No more evening shifts for me and no more long hours of commute were the cards I was playing. I have to admit that it has been draining my reservoir of hope and good outlook in life. I badly need a pouring rain of strength from above.

Let me rewind for you where I worked before. I was a front desk attendant and at the same time a concierge in a international luxury cruise line. Yes, I was earning green money. Even though it's everyday hard work and an all-the time task of making all of your guests happy, it's been fun fun fun. I have to opportunity the see the nicest key cities in the US, Canada, Mexico, Europe and Africa. So in short, I was able to work and at the same time travelled the world.

Then came last April, I've found out that I can longer work abroad or aboard any cruise ship. (I guess you know the reason why. Yah, because I'm having too much fun already. hehehe) So there I found myself back again to where I started several years ago. Back to the local job hunting scene. Just image the setting of this scene: Hot scourging heat of summer, wasted hours in traffic, long hours of waiting just an initial interview, and then answering the question of the interviewer " So tell me, what are your strengths?"

Before my always answer to this question is me having a positive outlook in life and that no matter what happens, there will always be a solution to any of our problems. Then I would add that I always see to it that I bring positivity to the work place I'm in and rub it amongst my coworkers.
But now, I never realized that the word positivity would shed a new meaning for me.

By the way, I have another scheduled job interview this coming Monday. Hope this would be it! It's a day shift job with good pay and is just in our place. So it's hard not to say yes to this. Well, then again the down part about this job interviews it that for sure I would be forced to tell white lies again. "So why do you decided to apply for this job, considering that you're earning a lot before"? hay...

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Hi there. Let me start by saying I'm HIV positive. I'm still having trouble accepting it though. (well, it's just a month ago that I've found out about it, so hope you understand.) As me and sister were saying, "this is the kind of stuff that you just watch from a distance but never thought could happen to you or your love ones." Maybe this is also the reason why I'm doing this blog, so I can make the first step towards acceptance of this new life. I need to release in a way all the emotions and thoughts that are running through my mind.

One of these thoughts that keeps on lingering is the word ACCEPTANCE. People always say it, " You cannot go any further if there is no acceptance of who and what you are." But what really is the meaning of word "acceptance"? According to Webster's dictionary it is the act of accepting with approval or a favorable reception. Well, it wasn't really in my case, I cannot say hurray I have HIV thank you doc! Let's try another definition; it is the act of taking something that is offered. Wow! another insult for me hehehe. We'll if only I knew that besides the offers or let me say seductions done towards me that later would cause my world to turn upside down, then I would definitely decline that offer of a short-lived ecstasy.

One definition of this word that I can accept is this; A disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations. Since it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm no longer Superman, but I also need to remind myself that I did make a lot of not so wise decisions that lead me to where I am right now. So I have submitted myself with a good grace and with GOD's help a life of POSITIVITY .